I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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