one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so let's talk penis.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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