you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize