Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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