wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
