between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
