im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
