I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
