My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
