duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
