sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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