I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
