i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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