i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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