new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
