you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize