Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You made out with two different species that night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
is that a dick in a sweater?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
