she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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