happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
