Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
