it was like his penis was on wheels.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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