Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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