she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
