i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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