i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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