If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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