this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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