and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
