I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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