he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
