i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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