Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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