Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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