we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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