Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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