She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
