We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How does it feel to date your dad?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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