The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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