So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
