You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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