i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
