i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
