that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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