i already hear my dad disowning me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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