In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
