I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
