i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
