I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
