Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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