When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
