I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
