So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
