How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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