my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
