Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to calm my uterus...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
