but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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