The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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