Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
