youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
