Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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