If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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