ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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