You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
