are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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