Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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