well I can't set my house on fire every night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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