I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
