remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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