I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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