Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
