Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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