Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
