did you get engaged???
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
