I seem to have left my pride at pride
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
