I swear god or herbie drove my car home
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
