Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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