I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
