East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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