i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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