This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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