The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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