and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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